Dear Ladies and Adam (Ladies you have been on my heart a lot lately but I cannot exclude the guys and Adam is my most devoted guy follower who does not have to do life with me up close and personal – therefore, I have decided from now on, my blogs will be addressed as above…Dear Ladies and Adam (Adam representing the gents!)
I will review that in the normal morning hours. It seems like a brilliant idea at the moment!
My current situation as expressed in my Facebook status (just posted) btw:
Yes, it is 2:48 am. I am exhausted! I really want to sleep but I just can’t because my mind is on fire! It seems that the more evolved that I become as a writer, the more frequent my epiphanies occur at this time of day (lets agree to call it PRE- morning) and the more excited I become. I lie in my bed thinking this is going to be GREAT in the morning! However, when the morning comes…I often forget the greatness! It often takes longer to fall back to sleep than it would to just get up and WRITE. SO, 5-hour energy- I LOVE YOU. Fairfield Bain be glad that you are traveling. Even our furkids are a little put out that mom has the light on like Motel 6.
As they say, whoever they are, you know you are doing what you are meant to do when it keeps you up late and wakes you up early!
But seriously! 2:48 AM!!!!
Okay, so on with the greatness!
A heartfelt letter to you ladies and Adam:
From the moment we enter the world, we belong to someone. We are given a title – daughter or son. With that title comes expectation. Someone else’s expectation of who we should be or how we should be. That is not to say that we are not nurtured, loved, or welcomed into the world. However, let’s be realistic! People (yes, even parents) have expectations or visions of our future.
We wear the clothes that someone else thinks we would look cute in (or that they can afford) and are subject to their interpretation and opinions of the world. (We might be democrats or republicans before we even take our first steps!) We are the subjects of what their hopes and dreams are for our future. We eat what they provide unless you are me and you spit it out all over them! We develop into these humans that have been influenced from day one.
We do not get to choose who our parents are. Their level of education. Their religion. Their beliefs and whether or not we would be a good fit together. Yet, we immediately become subject to their expectations, their influence. Their definitions.
Somehow, I think we feel that. The sense of expectation. It is something we carry through life. A theme. Living up to expectations in all of our titles. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Wife. Mother. (Son. Brother. Husband. I have your back here Adam!)
I have had the opportunity to talk to a great many of you ladies (and Adam) recently and it seems that we have so much in common!
One of those things being a sense of obligation to others- to meet their expectations of us! I think that from day one we are trying to grow into ourselves while being under the influence of others and wanting to please and not disappoint. Sometimes, often times, that sense of wanting to be so much to so many others drowns out who we really are. I am raising my hand here. Pick me. Pick me! Yes, I admit I have been swallowed up in the undercurrents of what others wanted me to be while ignoring who I was inside.
We compromise ourselves to please others – to fit into a mold created by someone else!
So, we stand in front of a mirror in the dressing room (of life) questioning not just the dress but ourselves.
Let’s be honest.
That dress is not going to look great, if we do not feel great – if we feel like we have fallen short in any of our titles.
We are going to nitpick our weight, our wrinkles- even when it isn’t about those things. Those dressing room mirrors magnify all of our perceived flaws, don’t they?
Ladies, it is time to stand in front of that mirror and shed ourselves of any expectations projected onto us by others or out of our own sense of obligation. We must stand there and look into that mirror and choose to love ourselves first.
How do we do that?
We must honor who we are! What we feel inside. We cannot be anything to everyone else until we become everything to ourselves. We must love ourselves. Honor ourselves. Choose ourselves. Nurture ourselves. Be our own best friends!
If our cup is full of tea and we like cappuccino, we are pouring out – our inauthentic selves.
The world needs you. The real authentic you.
Want to be better at being a mom? A wife? A friend? A daughter? A son? A husband?
Spend some time loving you. Shedding yourself of the weight of the expectations of others. People will adjust and your relationships will improve when you choose to value yourself first – when you choose to just be you – the real authentic you!
We must quit trying to please, to fulfill expectations at the cost of our own happiness.
I know of people that are in careers that they did not even choose because it was what someone else thought they should do!!!! Can we say MISERABLE???
One of the songs that I listen to when I am getting myself fired up has a line in it…
“Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you.”
If you are going through life, allowing other people to feel the rain for you – throw your umbrella away! It is time that you feel – however and whatever that may be. Feelings won’t kill you but denying them will kill your soul.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone else and giving yourself the leftover pieces of you.
You will be better for it and everyone that you are someone to will be better for it.
Until Next Time,