For years I have nitpicked at my flaws. I focused on them. All the things that I felt were wrong with me.
My teeth were crooked. My boobs were too small or lopsided. I have stretch marks. I was too fat. I was too skinny. I have a mole or beauty mark depending on whom you are asking.
I was always looking for what was wrong with me rather than what was right with me.
Can you relate?
I compared myself with others.
I can tell you exactly when it started. My parents often commented on my middle sister. She was beautiful. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. She was the “chosen one.” I am not exaggerating. I never measured up. My younger sister and I simply were never enough. They compared us using my middle sister as the gold standard. Why couldn’t we be more like her? My father used to tell me that my chest looked like fried eggs that had been popped. Ouch!
I began to compare myself to everyone.
Once, after I was grown, he called me and commented that I must be getting fat being a stay at home mom, wasting my life, probably just eating cookies all day. After that, I literally became bulimic and anorexic. When I finally reached the weight that I felt was perfect, I sent my father a picture of me. His reply “Can’t you afford to eat?”
I have been criticized in relationships, never being accepted for who I am. It was always, you can tweak this or tweak that. I was told I would look better blonde or with a bigger chest or straighter teeth. No wonder I never felt like I was enough. I was always trying to measure up to someone else’s standard. I would starve myself and spend hours on the treadmill, but I was never ok just being me. I once even had to be taken to the emergency room by ambulance after a starvation/work out cycle that left my liver screaming for mercy!
As soon as I fixed one flaw, there was something else to direct my attention to and to obsess about.
I could not win.
That was then. “Back in the day.”
I realized that I would never be perfect to everyone else. I needed to learn to accept being perfectly imperfect for me. I needed to stop obsessing with picking out the best part of others and the worst parts of me. Sure my cheeks are a little too big. I do have stretch marks. One of my boobs is larger than the other. I have an overbite. I am so white that some would say they’ve seen more color in a dead person. Thank God for self–tanner! What about the good parts of me? I never took time to consider or appreciate what was right with me!
I could look for the good in others but never what was good or right with me.
Isn’t that how most of us are, really?
Reforming our perception of ourselves is indeed a process, especially after spending a great deal of our lives conforming to what others perceive that we need to be.
I for one have decided the process is worth it. I am worth it! I am removing the “discount sticker” that I allowed myself to be labeled with for so long. We have all seen clothes in outlets that have similar discount tags because they are flawed or imperfect, but with careful inspection we cannot detect a single thing wrong with them! Who decides who gets a label or not? Who do we give that power to and why?
Remove all the labels today and see yourself as a beautiful creation of God. Find something beautiful and right about yourself and celebrate that. After that, anytime that you have a negative thought about yourself, you must realize that you are now the one placing the label and you have the power to accept or reject the implication. You have the power to choose.
When we begin to do exactly that, and by that I mean value ourselves, we start to attract people who value us as well.
Don’t dwell in the bargain basement of your own self-worth any longer. Why would anyone invest or pay full price for something that screams make me an offer? What do you think I am worth?
Full, premium price!
You are worth it!!!
Until Next Time,